i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
