Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize