1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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