P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
