After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
