I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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