the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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