If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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