did you get engaged???
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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