Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize