my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
