I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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