How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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