idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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