Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
