Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
