I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Drunk is not a location!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
