i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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