Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
