how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
