I looked at my own cervix.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
