You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
