Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were destined to go to rehab together
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
