I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
