As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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