Duck Duck Cougar?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize