i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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