You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
