before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
