you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
