Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
