you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
