weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
