We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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