He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
