1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
