I accidentally had phone sex last night
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
