just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
