Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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