Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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