I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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