Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize