i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This house was built for laser tag.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I sprained my soul last night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
