You're completely useless in the revolution.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
