I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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