wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
