I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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