I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
