She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
