went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
