I got chris browned last night
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
