i just wanna soil my oats bro
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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