I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
