I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
