you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I miss vodka workout Fridays
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
