awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
