I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
