:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize