you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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