Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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