maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
not ubering you a puppy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
