totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
