Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it was like eating out sand paper
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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