Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
